Fangirls Scare Me
by Krishna Rouselette
Summary: A cute little q & a fiction, rated T for swearing and whatever else might happen.
1. Chapter I: Short and Sweet!

_Hello, and welcome to the first Author's Note here on Fangirls Scare Me, a humorous little q & a fanfiction featuring characters from all walks of life, including the spin-off Beyond Birthday! Heh. . We'll see who dies first. All questions must be T, as this is obviously not M, and must be readable for me to understand and interpret. We may reserve questions (if this gets popular, that is) for later times as we see fit, but as long as they fit the rules they will always be used/answered from our wondrous cast! { / muttering } Yeah, "wondrous". ._

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**Krishna;; **And I'm your host, Krishna Rouselette!

_{ There is zero applause from the cast, sitting in predefined seats on 'stage' }_

**Krishna;; **. . . man, you guys don't look like you're in a good mood. I can help that!

**BB;; **Oh, of course you can. Just like how you bribed practically everyone to come, you certainly damn well can, right?

**Krishna;; **Now, did I ask the one most likely to kill me to answer that question?

_{ The other cast members finally speak amongst themselves }_

**Krishna;; **So. . Ah! I know! We can start answering sample questions to get things rolling! Shall we?

_{ The cast stops, and looks at her }_

**Krishna;; **. . . heh. Our first request of the day is to _Light Yagami, _sent from our director.

_'So, Light, have you ever wondered what your name is spelt backwards?_'

**Light;; **Actually, no, I haven't. . let's see. 'Imagay'?

_{ Light takes a moment to figure out why the room erupts in laughter, and then gives nicely held poker face }_

**Light;; **That doesn't mean anything!

**Misa;; **Don't worry Light-kun, Misa-Misa believes you!

**Krishna;; **{ / recovering from a fit of laughter } God, he fell for that one like a kid going for the old ALT + F4 trick. But, to keep things short, I'll be back tomorrow with even more questions, and like the rest, make you reads cough up a lung laugh – wait, that's a bad thing. Damnit. .

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_Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this little teaser. Be sure to review if you'd like, we're always striving for new requests! Ah, did I say 'we'. . ? You'll see next chapter, and goodnight!_


	2. Chapter II: Freakishly Long!

**Ko;;** Hello and today we are back and, instead of my psychotic friend who had to run out on you all due to a bug going around, you'll have to deal with me and if any of you step out of line today, I'll kick your ass. And for those of you who are wondering, I am Ko. Odd name for a female yes but comment and I won't hesitate to fill you full of rock salt.

{ / smiling in spite of the silence, baseball bat in hand }

**Ko;;** Alright, I suppose that it is time to get this episode underway? Alright people! Let me go get that box with those questions and see where the hell it takes us this time shall we? [ / taking a seat beside Light ] And since Mr. Gay was first last time, we'll continue with him. The first question this episode is from a young woman who refuses to give her name.

' _. . . Are you Kira? '_

**Light;;** { / sighing at the foreseen question } No, I am not Kira, in fact I would never even compare myself to the murderer. If anything, I would rather see the culprit in a cell than be anywhere close to him personality-wise.

**Ko;;** [ / clapping sarcastically while rolling her eyes ] Alright, how did we see that coming. . .? Hm? Anyway, I should probably just jump ahead since that one was not funny. Not one damn bit. . . [ / sighing before perking up ] Alright, I have a question for you Light. . . If you had to chose between saving yourself and saving humanity, which would you chose?

**Light;;** With that being a rhetorical question I have no true answer. I'm just a single person, however, and I would much rather prefer to save humanity than myself, but we all have decreeing ranges of vanity for ourselves.

{ / the silence deepens for several moments before Ko tags him in the back of the head }

**Ko;;** Alright, now, last question for Light Imagay before I forget that I am only a guest host here and strangle his dumb ass. Now, this is again from our director.

**Light;; **{ / biting his lip as to not comment on Ko's instigation, smoothly }

_' Really, are you gay? You pay more attention to your looks than a woman does after all. '_

**Light;;** Obviously, the response is, without a doubt, no. Despite quite large amounts of speculation, I am straight and wouldn't think of being gay or bi, no offenses to those sexualities, of course.

{ / several snickers echo from both the crew and Ko herself at the comment but nothing more is said on the subject, as much embarrassment Light went through }

**Ko;;** Alright, now that we have Light out of the way, we can pick our next guest. . . so. . . [ / points randomly at the people in the seats, jumping up and down for a moment in excitement before composing herself when she chose Mello ] Yay! It's blondie ~

{ / ignoring the looks from the other guests and people there, throwing the bat to the side and sitting, cross-legged, several feet from him like a child listening to a story-teller }

**Ko;;** Alright, here is the deal. I'll stalk you later so don't go shooting me but first, we have to get your questions out of the way. This is another question from someone who wished to remain anonymous.

_' How does it feel to be a friend of Matt's? '_

**Mello;;**What is it supposed to feel like to be friends with Matt? Matt is a good friend, one of the few people I would be sorry if I hurt with my lifestyle but other than that, what more is there to say at the moment? We're best friends but we are also different. I love being around people and he would rather hide out with his games all night and play with them and his computers. And if you start stalking me, I _will_ shoot you.

**Ko;;** Aw. . . but come on Melly-Mello! Can't you make one exception? Just for me? You need to be nice to your fans. Don't you like being the obsession of at least a dozen and a half girls?

**Mello;;** No. Now move on to the next question.

**Ko;;** Pfft. Fine, just for the sake of keeping the peace around here. . .

_' Are you over being second to Near? '_

**Mello;;** What do you mean by second? I am better than the twit and we all know it! I would have been the one to capture Kira, without his help, yet he came running to me when he needed someone to work with. { / takes a bite of the chocolate bar in his hand } Rodger just didn't like kids and, obviously, since I was always in his office, he would rather deal with the mute and anti-social Near than L's true successor.

**Near;;** I never explicitly ran to you for someone to work with. I found that it would be much better for the both of us if we worked together than participating in a metaphoric race to catch Kira. { / avoiding his last remark }

**Mello;;** But I got further than you did Near. You only offered when I was coming out ahead in the game because you didn't want to lose to me for a change. So used to being the best, you wouldn't have known how to handle being second-rate for something.

**Ko;;** I would interrupt but it's hard to choose who to side with. The boy who looks like a sheep in his white. . . everything, or the violent blond. . . anyway, onto the next question while I torture Light ~

_' Have you ever considered going to a rehab for that chocolate addiction? '_

**Mello;;** I'm not addicted to the chocolate. I can stop eating it whenever I want but I don't want to. After all, chocolate is good for the heart and good for relieving the stress of dealing with that. { / points to Near }

**Near;;** It's not my fault if you keep taking it upon yourself to 'deal' with me, Mello.

**Mello;;** How can a person not be forced to deal with someone when they are always considered second to them. We all know that I was the better half of the two of us!

**Ko;;** { / Refusing to even comment on this topic }

_' How did it feel to have the power you had? '_

**Mello;;** I think it was good. After all, I managed to become more powerful than Near with the connections I've made in Los Angeles. [ / shooting a glare at Near, silently daring him to contradict him ] And I think that I earned the title of number one with all the things that I managed to do while he just sat there, playing with his toys. Over all, the power I had managed to accumulate was helpful in many aspects of my life, not just with the Kira case or with trying to become the new number one.

**Near**;; { / taking his dare with a bored expression } I believe we were at an equal of sorts. Your connections certainly rivaled mine; but, I assure you I didn't 'just sat there, playing with my toys.'

**Ko;;** Oh dear god, this is going to turn into an 'I'm-better-than-you-are' contest, isn't it? { / glaring at the two, unable to decide which to hit }

**Mello;;** So you were out there like I was, taking risks like Matt and I were to capture Kira? I didn't see you out there Near, so what else were you doing if not playing with your toys? { / turning his attention away from Near, abruptly dismissing him }

**Ko;;**_' Do you uphold any respect for Beyond? '_

{ / most of the people falling into a deep silence, waiting for the response with baited breath, knowing the chaos his answer could cause }

**Mello;;** He was a former resident of Wammy's House and he was one of the first to be chosen to be one of L's potential successors so yes, I do. { / takes another bite of chocolate } And we are alike. He wanted to step over L as a rival and I wanted to as his successor. So I suppose I do. . . since we are alike.

**L;;** { / continuing to stare at Mello even as everyone else calms down }

**Ko;;** Wow. . . even I didn't expect that. So lets move on to my little Snow White, shall we? { / turning to Near with a grin }

**Near;; **{ / looking at Ko with a blank face } . . . Snow White. . ?

_' Are you really an albino or not? '_

**Near;;** Well, to be frank yes, I am a natural albino. My hair has been discolored since I was a child.

**Mello;;** Which is probably why you were such an outcast in Wammy's. I'm glad that Linda never managed to pull you from those puzzles of yours because at least it gave me some time away from you, twit.

**Near;;** Hm? I've never considered myself an 'outcast', Mello. . Nor am I a 'twit.' { / still playing with his robot, distracted for the moment }

**Ko;;** { / taking a moment to glare at the audience } Alright, now tell me right now who would ask this? Why not ask whether he ate them instead? Anyways, this question was submitted via email so we have no idea who it is. None at all.

_' Do you always have your toys with you or is the obsession under control? '_

**Near;;** { / toying around with his robot when this question is asked, giving full answer without saying a word }

**Mello;;** { / smirks taking a bite of his chocolate and leaning over to Matt who's busy playing with one of his many games, muttering } And how much do you want to bet Matt that he'll crack if that robot of his goes missing? Or if I start knocking over his dice cities again?

**Near;;** I would be perfectly fine. { / was glancing at Mello to read his lips }

**Ko;;** { / once again, refusing to comment and draw the fire onto herself }

_' Why do you like Mello when he clearly hates you? '_

**Near;;** I don't see a reason to hate Mello, unlike his hatred for me. After all, we both were raised in the same orphanage and for that reason I would uphold some care for him.

**Mello;;** { / narrowing his eyes on Near but remaining quiet for the most part, except for a few muttered insults directed towards the 'crippled albino' }

**Near;;** { / preoccupied with himself, ignoring the blonde }

**Ko;;** Enough with the bitchy attitudes from the both of you, now I'm moving on to L. Mello, if you want to kill him, do it elsewhere.

_' What is your favorite thing to do when not working on a case? '_

**L;;** I do not have time to do anything in between cases because there are so many to deal with. Even if I only take the ones that I am paid for or have a stake in, that still leaves hundreds of them to deal with. So that is the only answer I have to your question.

**Ko;;** Wow. . . did you ever consider getting a life. And that was rhetorical so don't answer it, L. . . anyway, _next_!

_' How do you deal with the stress of Beyond and Kira? '_

**L;;** I ignore the first for the most part and there isn't much stress with dealing with Kira since I already know who Kira is. Or I should say Kiras. [ / shifting slightly to look at Light ] And they will be imprisoned for the murders they have committed. I will personally request that they be killed for their crimes against humanity.

**Light;; **Why are you looking at me, L? I already said I wasn't Kira!

**Ko;;** The next question combines with the last one L, so keep on that thought alright?

_' Do you ever fear the two of them joining forces? '_

**L;;** Even as mad as Beyond is, I am sure he has enough pride to keep away from working alongside Kira. If anything, I am more worried about them competing for the right to kill me. It's dangerous enough right now without them seeing who kills me first.

**Ko;;** Aw, this one is rather sweet ~ { / snickering to herself }

_' Can I adopt you and put you in a zoo? Our city zoo needs a panda. '_

**L;;** No.

**Ko;;** . . . Wow, seriously guys. . . this one is bound to cause problems. . . I just know it. . .

_' L, did you know that Shinigami like apples? '_

**L;;** { / shifting to pull his knees closer to his body before chewing on his nail } I have heard that before. . . and as I have stated before, am I supposed to presume that everything I am told is true. { / glancing at the hostess } And may I see who asked that question?

**Ko;;** No. Each and every question remains anonymous unless it is specified by the person that it is okay for us to show you. Get a court order if you really want to see it L. Anyway, moving since we spoke with L then I suppose it is only fair that we speak with Beyond next. { / Turning to grin at the murderer }

_' Why the hell do you hate being called 'Backup'? '_

**Beyond;;** Because, quite simply, I'm not a 'backup' and never will be. As much as my ignorant coward of a counterpart would love to beg to differ, that would be why.

**L;;** I would have to disagree with that Beyond. You have, through putting on all the make-up and acting like me, have become nothing more than the thing that you despised. It used to be just something to call you to keep your identity secret since you were one of the few chosen to hopefully succeed me but after you ran away, you made yourself into a backup copy of me.

**Beyond;;** Funny though how you stress on the word 'copy', isn't it? You wanted me to succeed you, and so I did. Although, it shouldn't take much to get it through your hollow skull that I would much rather kill myself – and have tried, mind you – than be a mere 'back-up' of you.

**L;;** You could have never resurfaced after you ran away. You ran away from Wammy's and that freed you of something that you seemed to have found so terrible you would have rather died. I wanted someone to replace me should anything happen, yes, but that doesn't matter. We would have found someone else. There were others who showed a bit of potential.

**Ko;;** Alright, this next question has been personally bugging me Beyond so tell me and be honest about it.

_' . . . Do you blame Misora for your failed suicide? '_

**Beyond;;** Blame her? No, not really. I'm still appalled that she managed to stop me before I succeeded, but the real reason behind that one is the director. { / angry glare at L }

**L;;** Misora was an excellent agent Beyond and that was why she caught you. Not me. Not everything that goes wrong is my doing, as much as I am sure that you would enjoy pinning it on me.

**Beyond;;** { / growling by now } And just why do you have to make a snark comment on everything I say, L?

**L;;** I don't, I am just correcting you on your mistake. It was that same mistake that made you lose against her and myself in the first place. I am trying to put aside my own beliefs about you and keep you from making the same mistake a second time.

**Beyond;; **Which, again, would be saying I made a mistake according to you.

**Ko;;** . . . Bac-Beyond, be nice to the idiot bastard? I don't want you to stroke out on us until we are through with you after all ~

_' Are you ever jealous of L? '_

**Beyond;;** Jealous? Why would I be jealous to a cowardly, anorexic, stupid, and overall putrid man? Obviously, he has far more problems than I do, so I would never, under any circumstances, be jealous of him.

**L;;** Backup. I am not anorexic, I eat plenty of food to keep my mind and body working in the most efficient manner. Nor am I any of those things. You have a rather biased opinion of me anyway, considering your unrelenting hatred for me.

**Beyond;;** { / inching closer to L on the couch, ignoring the looks from the curious cast } And what is that 'plenty of food?' Your obsession with sugar? Besides, leaving it to yourself to describe such can be considered. . Oh, I don't know, just as biased as me?

**L;;** Sugar, several types of fruit. [ / holding his ground, ignoring Beyond moving closer ] And I suppose it could but I am unbiased enough to see that there are some good qualities to you, as much as they are overshadowed. You are intelligent and determined. If you had only not become a murderer. . . { / falling silent }

**Ko;;** Alright, I think those two need couples counseling. . . Anyway, um. Next up is Matty ~

_' Why do you and Mello get along? '_

**Matt;;** Why Mello and I get along? { / glances to Mello for help } Well, we didn't at the beginning. But I dunno. You don't choose good friends, I guess.

**Mello;;** It's nothing really. We're just good friends, I mean unlike with Near, Matt doesn't try to shove himself above me. And I don't go around taking his games or cigarettes. . . unless they're bothering me but I've stopped that recently.

**Matt;;** Yeah, that was pretty fucking irritating. Ahem. { / coughs and looks away nonchalantly }

**Mello;;** The smoke from your damn cigarettes is irritating. { / glaring at Matt for a split second }

**Ko;;** Alright, now I am starting to get tired. . . too much talking for me. I'm used to being quiet. . . but here we go.

_' Why the hell don't you stop smoking? It'll kill you! '_

**Matt;;** Whoa, calm down for a second! It's an addiction! I've been doing it for a long time. It's not as easy to quit as it might seem. Though I might 'cause Mello is usually a bitch about my smoking. And video games too. But he hates it worst when his leather absorbs the smell. { / smirks slightly at his friends glare }

**Mello;;** I only bitch when you chain smoke and I can't get the hell out of the room. And the video games are fine, I don't have much of a problem with them. . . and nothing wrong with wearing leather Matt. Better than wearing those goggles all the time.

**Matt;;** TCH. At least people don't mistake me for a homosexual with the goggles. { / glances over again before looking away again }

**Mello;;** . . . What the fuck did you say Matt? { / twitching, glaring at the red head before standing up }

**Matt;;** I'm not sure. Are you deaf or stupid? { / looks up at Mello and realizes he pushed it to far. stands up as well }

**Ko;;** We'll be back after these commercial breaks. . .

**Matt;;** W-wait Mello don't hit me, I was just ki-!

**Ko;;** Or when Matt gets back from the hospital, whichever comes first ~ { / snickering as she talks } 

(( program ends with the screen cutting to black before the commercials come on ))


End file.
